As I sit here and type this, I am scoffing a rather large slice of cake!
Now, if it’s any consolation (to myself that is), it is homemade zucchini cake with limited sugar and lots of “goodness” (walnuts, goji berries, and all that ridiculous expensive stuff…)
With my ever expanding tummy, boobs and bum, I sometimes feel a little exasperated. “Gah, I’m getting MASSIVE!”, but at almost 30 weeks pregnant, the only way is up (on the scales that is!)
I’ve always highlighted on this blog and on my social pages how beautiful I think pregnant women are. I have a confession to make though…the day I found out I was pregnant with my first back in 2013, I sat and Googled “pregnant tummies”. As a slender 25 year old, some of the images were, naturally, alarming.
Really rather chuffing alarming! The words “Oh god, what have you done?!” did cross my mind!
Because that’s the thing…when you become pregnant, you do somewhat give up control of your own body. And for someone that is rather body conscious, it can be a lot to do.
That loss of control is far more than weight gain though. It’s something the 25 year old me soon came to realize as I waded through 20 weeks of pregnancy nausea, which, no matter what, I just could not control. After that the tummy popped out of nowhere and I just got bigger and bigger. The pressure on my back and my ribs too – gosh, no one warns you!
The day my son was born I stood in front of a mirror and looked at my body. My tummy looked just so odd. It wasn’t my old ab-fab tummy, and it certainly wasn’t my lovely round preggy bump. No, it was more like a deflated, wobbly, toneless balloon. It was not so pretty.
It stayed like that for a little while, but as my son and I progressed down our breastfeeding journey, I came to learn something magical – the more you breastfeed, the bigger your baby gets and the skinnier you become! My son literally sucked all the weight from me, plus more. That period of my life is probably the skinniest I’ve been since my borderline eating disorder late-teens (it was in fashion, ok – way before the Kardashians and their big booties came along!)
We went to our newly opened swimming pool across the road, and it got me reminiscing about our amazing holiday in the Maldives last year – white sands, pure waters, and a cocktail never far from my hand! Ohhhh, how I would love to be jetting off somewhere this year, but pregnancy means I am a) too far along to fly, and b) not allowed those delicious cocktails…so we're planning a staycation for hubbie's birthday in March! I dug out this picture from the holiday (and wish I hadn't – the body certainly doesn't look like that right now!) Where are you jetting off to this year so I can live vicariously through you…? x
With my second pregnancy then, I guess I am less scared of this whole weight gain thing (hello cake!) And it’s because I know the stages.
I’ve already been through the “lose all control” phase of pregnancy sickness. It sucked my energy, my fitness and my health for the first half of this pregnancy again. Just awful.
Right now, while I already feel like a balloon and know I’m only going to expand more, I also know it is so important that I eat well (and I’m not talking cake, no matter how “healthy”). For my baby’s sake, I need to look after myself, my body, my mind. There is nothing I can do about the pregnancy weight gain, so why worry, right?
It’s quite nice to know, too, that while this cake may go and sit on my bum or on my hips for a few more weeks, it’ll soon be broken down to make that liquid gold breast milk, burning an average of 800 calories a day. WIN!!!!
And while I’m a little more self-conscious at the swimming pool, while I’m a little distressed that I’ve broken out my larger “Mummy to be” underwear, and while I can’t quite help look at my non-pregnant friends and wonder if I’ll ever feel sexy again, I also think to myself – sod it! What my body is doing is incredible.
Yes, I’ve lost control. Yes, I’ve gained a fair amount of weight. And yes, I would really rather like another slice of that cake right now. But things will not always be this way. My body knows exactly what it is doing, so this is me letting go of my body. Of all that heavy worry. Not forever – I’ll crack out the running shoes in a few months. But for now, it’s fine with me. Because I trust my body. It knows what it is doing. And that is absolutely incredible.
So bye bye skinny me – see you down the line in a year or so (maybe sooner, what do you reckon?), and hello happy, big, preggy bump, bum and boobs version of me – I do really quite like you! You’re really quite perfect!