It’s not an unusual occurrence. In fact every day starts pretty much like this since you started enjoying your blissful little sleep-ins past 6am.
And whether it be the fact I need to get up for work, or whether I am now just wired to wake up at the crack of dawn…I always seem to be the first of us awake.
I don’t mind. In fact I love it! I get to enjoy my morning cup of tea and watch you sleep peacefully, marveling at what a beautiful little creature I have created. There is a certain magical calm about baby sleep that I just love, and you always look so kissable!
I moved slightly this morning and it caused you to stir. “Bugger!” I thought, wanting to enjoy a few more minutes of calm. You managed to sit up albeit groggily, but it was clear you were not ready to wake up properly yet. You closed your sleepy eyes and flopped back down on the mattress like a little rag doll – it was so adorably hilarious!
I laid my head down next to yours for a quick snuggle – your eyes were closed and I kissed you gently on the forehead. And I don’t know why but the words just came out, and I whispered to you…
“Are you happy my darling?”
I wasn’t expecting a response, but what happened next is a moment so special that I will treasure it forever.
With your eyes still closed in that half-awake, half-asleep state, your face suddenly lit up with your beautiful smile in response to my words, and you said with your cute high toddler voice in reply …
Whether you were simply repeating my word in play, or whether you genuinely meant it I will never know, but it was all I needed to hear. That one simple word – “happy”.
When I was pregnant, I used to worry so much about whether you would be healthy or not – whether everything was ok with you physically. But as my tummy grew and grew, I don’t know why, but I started to worry that maybe you wouldn’t love me. That I wouldn’t make you happy.
This worry has stayed with me and every day since the day you were born. I continually worry that I am doing things wrong and messing it all up. I find your toddler tantrums difficult to handle sometimes because of this – I hate it when I am mad with you, but I hate it even more when you are mad with me! I am your Mummy, but I also want to be your friend – someone you can trust.
To hear you say “Hapi” to me this morning then was so incredibly special. I suddenly knew that despite the toddler dramas, despite the fact I have to leave every morning for work, despite the fact I sometimes feel frustrated, exhausted and like I could be a better Mummy – you are happy. Your Daddy and I make you happy.
You are a beautiful and very much adored little boy, and I am so glad you know this.
Thank you so much for sharing your happiness with me this morning ❤